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I can’t either.” I admitted.“I need to know where this is going. I will not be able to stop wondering when you will come to my room or ask me to join you. I thought about this all day. We either need to stop completely right now, or you need to let me know exactly what you expect from me. I want you to be happy, but I can’t just be on call whenever you feel you need me, not after last night. I won’t be able to stay in this house if I have to be near you and always wonder if you will want to be with me like that again. I’m afraid to even kiss your cheek because of what I may do.”John was right. I manipulated and used him to fill that empty spot in my life with little regard for the consequences. How could I have been so naive as to have thought that I would only have phone sex with John when I wanted to or believe that I could call him into my room or go to his room only when I was in the mood? We have been very physical with each other. Each time I allowed myself to go further than. I learned Ginger had married a guy she met in college, Eric. He’d gone to high school in Richland, one of our biggest rivals in sports. Richland, Kennewick and Pasco are considered the Tri-Cities as they’re all immediately adjacent to each other, and their school sporting teams are fierce rivals. She told me that Eric is a math teacher and he'd just gotten a job at his old high school so they'd recently moved back here. Ginger's a travel consultant and was looking for a job with a travel agency in the area. I couldn't take my eyes away from her; my old feelings from school had returned with a vengeance! I was feeling like a nervous but much more confident teenager again, sitting with this lovely lady from my youth. I didn't want this evening to end, but alas it had to. At ten till nine, the store announced they were closing in ten minutes. Ginger and I continued to sit at our table and talk, our polish dogs long gone, until an employee walked over and said they were locking the doors.
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